If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it

Or rather; if they think it’s not broken, don’t bother.

The job that Iyanla Vanzant has is not to essentially FIX someone’s life. Her job is to give them the tools to put their lives back in order and to be truthful about their part in their confusion. The only time Iyanla’s advice works is when people are willing to be helped.

If you’re not willing to be helped, how can your life EVER be ‘fixed’?

I have to tap into this topic because its very frustrating to see people say what Iyanla did not do or what she failed at or couldn’t fix. Its not her job to fix your life, yes that’s the title of the show but if you listen to the intro, therein lies the truth:

“Do Your Work”

Sheree Whitfield of The Real Housewives of Atlanta fame and her ex-husband, retired footballer Bob Whitfield approached life coach and shade throwing extraordinaire Iyanla Vanzant for guidance on how to co-parent their two children on tonight’s episode of OWN’s Iyanla: Fix My Life. However, they both failed to acknowledge with the pink elephant in the room: they hate each other’s guts.

Bob hates Sheree and Sheree hates Bob and ’tis a crying shame to see a marriage go down like that.

What people fail to realize is this;

You cannot invite someone into your life to help sort out one area of confusion and not confront the other affected areas. Don’t ever think that cause and effect are not correlated. You’re fooling yourself if you think otherwise.

Basically, he read Sheree for filth and she attempted to pay her dust. The pain and disappointment was written all over her face. Iyanla pulled her card when she told Sheree she was bitter and angry; that was the bottom line to ALL the problems in her life and in her failed marriage. Iyanla was absolutely 100% correct when she said that Bob’s infidelity was her fault.

To a degree, infidelity is the fault of everyone involved. There is something you did or something you failed to do.

I don’t care if she was a Susie Homemaker, cook, chef, and baby making machine; you missed a touchdown, an endorsement, something. She allowed it to go on and chose not to nip it in the bud and confront Bob with his infidelity and shame him in his sin. Why? because she sold her soul for his money. Bob is wrong because he dis-honored his body and his relationship by violating vows he made to her and to God and whether he believes in God or not, he broke covenant and will be dealt with. Bob cheating on his wife is SO MUCH BIGGER than a sloppy blowjob in a nightclub or a 3 am booty call.

Bob lied to his wife and destroyed her image of men and her ability to trust, honor and respect him or any other man. He did the crime and she paid it dust and now the volume of his actions have manifested into a snowball of chaos, bitterness and confusion. The man is the head and leader of his family, whether he knows it or not. When the head is corrupted, its difficult for everything else to find stable ground. They both want to win and have a contest on who did what, who does what and who owes who what. No one has the upper hand in dishonesty, disloyalty and disrespect.

The worst part of all is that there are children involved. Now take all this drama and throw it onto a reality TV show.

Bottom line: I wasn’t thrilled about the outcome. Iyanla said it herself that her work was NOT complete but Iyanla can only do so much. People have to start being 1000% honest about their part in the failing of a marriage and then work on a solution so that the two can co-exist and co-parent peacefully.

I’m not a person who chooses to kick people when they’re down because we all have our crosses to bear. I really do wish Sheree and Bob the absolute best but until they keep it real, they’ll be running in place.

xoxo